On Being an Army Wife

"Army Wife" is a role I never saw myself filling. Until recently, I subconsciously viewed the "Army wife" as the antithesis to the modern, independent woman. I never envisioned myself being an Army wife or finding Army wives to be the kind of women I admired.

Once again in life, I am finding myself looking a little closer. Of course there are many kinds of Army wives. Maybe there are some Army wives who fit the stereotype, but many do not. Many are educated with their own career paths, others are devoted mothers who have made sacrifices for the sake of their families. A quick look at the blogs of Army wives indicate that many of them, like me, oppose the war in Iraq itself. For some of them, it is because they are Army wives that they oppose the war.

I certainly hope that no one will judge me narrowly because I am an "Army wife." While I very much support my new husband in his work, that doesn't necessarily mean that that is my only role in life and it certainly doesn't mean that I always support the actions of his employer and his ultimate boss, President Bush.

Still, as much as I can, I support George (my husband, not the President!) at work and at home. Since we've been married, I have been the one with more free time for a change. I've been cooking for him a lot, folding laundry, and working to keeping the house organized and clean. I don't do these things because it is my role as an Army wife, I do them because I love George and I know he would - and has - given me the same kind of support when I was the busier one. I never would have survived without George's support through my crazy schedule of full-time work and full-time graduate school this past spring! Now it is my turn to return the favor. It is this kind of give-and-take that I hope will make our marriage a strong and lasting one.

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There are lots of funny and quirky things about the Army. Everything has an acronym. Sometimes when I'm around two or more Army personnel who are talking shop, I feel like they are speaking code! Luckily, I've managed to get good translations for a lot of the acronyms so I don't feel so ignorant when they talk. I love shopping at the PX and the commissary, especially since there is no Target in Hawaii. It is funny, however, to see parking spaces reserved at those places though for high-ranking officers. I really appreciate how courteous people are on post. People follow the rules of the road very carefully and politeness abounds among Army folks and their families. There is a real sense of family (or "ohana" as they say in Hawaii). When George and I first arrived, none of our household goods had arrived from the mainland. We were very appreciative that the wife of one of George's colleagues lent us pots and pans, bed linens, and even a little table until our belongings started arriving.

I am also becoming aware of how lucky I am right now that my spouse is still here with me. A large number of soldiers from Schofield Barracks are deployed in Iraq and Afghanistan right now. Most of the deployed soldiers are infantry, which means that they are in some of the most dangerous places with the most dangerous duties. As a result, there are many families who are here without one of their loved ones and know that their loved ones are living in dangerous conditions. I cannot take for granted that George is here and I need to be respectful and aware that the spouses of many people I meet here may be on the front lines.

Being a military spouse in Hawaii in particular has some unique features. First off, as a white person - or black person for that matter, it is not difficult for locals to guess that you are associated with the military. While not all white and black people are military here, a large number are. By contrast, a large percentage of the local life-long residents have Asian or Pacific roots. In other words, I stand out. Add to that a sometimes tenuous relationship between some life-long residents and the military operations here and you begin to understand. There is a strong sentiment among some locals that Hawaii should return to being an independent and sovereign nation and the U.S. military should leave. While this sentiment is rarely expressed towards military people individually, there are occasional flare-ups. For that reason, I try to tread lightly in my new home and be respectful and receptive to the local culture. As a female who does not have to sport a buzz-cut, it is a little easier for me than actual soldiers to blend in. Maybe it even helps that I'm a brunette and getting more tan by the day! Overall, though, I've received far more "aloha" and genuine warmth from locals than anything else. My sponsor teacher, for example, brings me goodies to snack on nearly every day!

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WOW. I had no idea I would have so much to say on this topic, but I guess it is something that has been on my mind! While its required some self-examination, I think I'm adjusting rather smoothly to my new role as an "Army Wife." In the end, the introspection required for this adjustment will help me strengthen my core beliefs or re-evaluate them in light of my new insights. For that, I am thankful for the opportunity and experiences I am having here in Hawaii as a new Army Wife.